Building an authentic women’s network

End why it changes everything in your career

You’ve noticed it. That colleague who never seemed to show up to meetings just landed a management role. Your friend from school, the one you thought was struggling, just launched her own business. And you? You work just as hard. Maybe harder. And yet, nothing shifts.

The first explanation people give you is talent. Or luck. Or timing. No one ever mentions the network.

It’s not cynicism. It’s just how it works.

The real difference : visibility, not just warmth

We’re told that a good network is a group of mates who support each other, who rally together in tough times. Very nice. Very incomplete at least if it’s your only reason for building one.

Here’s what the research shows. Researchers at Harvard Business School analysed 900 profiles of tech executives. Among men, the common thread was never the same degree or friendship. It was visibility within an ecosystem. They’d run into each other at conferences, recommend each other for roles, and talk about their projects publicly. Among women, networks tended to be far more intimate  close mates, private conversations but far less visible to people who could actually open doors (McGregor & Kutscher, Harvard Business Review, 2019).

In other words: an intimate network is precious. But if nobody outside your three closest friends knows you exist, you haven’t really built a professional network.

The Month-Ago Test

How many people in your field found out you’d just wrapped up an important project without you telling them directly? Nobody? Welcome to the club. It’s not your problem. It’s that no one ever explained that modesty is a luxury you can’t afford in a career.

Mentorship is a word that scares people

You hear it everywhere. “Find yourself a mentor.” As if it’s a quest in a video game. You’re going to knock on the door of a CEO you don’t know and ask her to spiritually adopt you? Not quite.

Mentorship is actually far simpler and far weirder than that. It rarely looks like a formal arrangement where you meet monthly and she officially becomes your guide. In 80% of cases, it starts with a conversation, then something you can’t quite name: you take counsel from someone you respect. She helps you untangle something. You stay in touch. No contract. No guilt if you’re only talking twice a year.

And the most important bit? She doesn’t have to be your mate outside of work. An ideal mentor is someone who’s walked a path you want to walk, who’ll talk straight, and who you’re not idealising too much. If you pick someone just because you’re friends, you’ll project emotional expectations onto a relationship that doesn’t need them.

The real thing about informal mentorship? It can come from anywhere. A senior colleague from an old job. Someone you met at a conference and bumped into again on LinkedIn two years later. Even a public figure whose articles or interviews you read that counts. You don’t need their permission.

Building without losing yourself : three tactics that actually work

Tactic 1 – Identify Three People Who Have (or Had) What You Want

Not what you think you want. Actually, I want to. You’re dreaming of going independent? Find someone who did  even if she’d say “honestly, it was rough.” After a better work-life balance? Find someone who’s cracked it, even if it’s not perfect. She doesn’t need to be a wise sage. She just needs to have walked the path.

Then consume information about them. Article. Interview. Podcast. Nothing creepy about that, just observation. You’ll understand how they think, where their advice comes from, what shaped their decisions. And one day you’ll run into one of them : a conference, event, mutual friend and that conversation will be 100 times richer because you’ll ask a proper question instead of surface-level chat.

Tactic 2 – Networks Live on LinkedIn, But They Deepen Elsewhere

Yes, I know. LinkedIn’s a bit tedious. Every post sounds like generic personal development advice, people ask rhetorical questions like “are you really happy in your job?” Awful.

And yet. It’s a visibility tool. Not to turn you into a hyper-productive influencer. But to exist. Share a thought every couple of months on your sector. Comment genuinely on other people’s posts. Say “this interests me” rather than nothing at all.

It doesn’t matter one bit if you have 10,000 followers. Having 200 people who know you in your sector and know what you do? That’s massive.

And then one day, someone in that network will share an opportunity. And this time, they’ll think of you.

Tactic 3 – Give Before You Take (Even If It’s Small)

This one sounds counterintuitive but it works. The best way to build a network is to be useful without expecting immediate payback.

Someone asks a smart question in a LinkedIn group? You’ve got a resource? Share it. You read an article and think of someone who needs to see it? Send it along. You met someone at a conference and had a solid chat about work? A few days later, a quick message: “By the way, I thought about what we were talking about and found this thing you might like.”

These small gestures create something. Not an obligation. Not debt. Just an impression of being someone people want to run into. And that’s what a network is: people who actually like bumping into each other.

Reverse mentorship : she needs you too

Here’s the real shift: you think your mentor has all the answers. She doesn’t. She’s finding her way too. And the thing she learns from you your fresh take on your sector, how you tackle a problem might actually unlock something she’s been stuck on.

The people who build the strongest networks get this early. A junior who pitches a fresh idea in a meeting isn’t a threat. She’s an ally. A colleague who thinks differently isn’t a problem to solve. She’s a resource.

So when you’re building your network, don’t go in thinking “I need to learn from people more important than me.” Go in thinking “There are things I can learn and things I can give.”

It’s more honest. And it lasts longer.

This Week’s Challenge

Identify ONE person you admire in your field (doesn’t need to be someone you know). Read or listen to something from her this week article, interview, podcast, a talk. Then, in the next ten days, if you run into her or have a reason to reach out (a shared meeting, a mutual contact), you’ve got a real question for her not small talk. And if she’s not your cup of tea? No matter. You move to person number two. An authentic network isn’t an emotional obligation.

Talking career with other women won’t lose you your friends

Last thing nobody dares say out loud. There’s a vague feeling among women that talking salary, promotions, and ambition with other women is either too intimate or too “competitive.” Like you’ll lose the mate by winning the job.

It’s bollocks. Women who build solid careers talk about this regularly. They ask for advice. They acknowledge when someone else’s done something remarkable instead of acting like it was just normal. They don’t stop being chuffed for each other just because they didn’t land the same opportunity.

It’s actually the opposite. The strongest career links often come from this: an honest chat about a challenge, a resource shared, a recommendation that lands at just the right time.

So if you’re worried you’ll lose a mate by talking about your career? That conversation probably was never easy between you anyway. And if it wasn’t, you didn’t have that much of a bond in the first place.

Next steps

If you want to dig deeper into the science behind all this, check out Personal Development & Training resources on eBoons — discounts on mentorship programmes, women’s leadership training, and industry conferences. Because investing in yourself isn’t a luxury. It’s a career decision.